circumnavigation

the madness cannot be deciphered by just a
single tear
its depth is unfathomable
stirring within this rigid soul
is the surging rage of lies untold
the damned is done with weeping for me
even i ceased to breathe
the air that comes from the one
who made me cry to my heart's content
would that be so insanely ironic
that weeping became such a habit
and self pity is like a song
that i sing over and over to myself
yet no matter how hard i toil
i end up being where i am
loving, crying, hurting
and then loving again
it would seem that there's no point
in running away from my pain
it chases me even to the ends of the earth
it shadows my every path
a path that leads me to only one being
and that is you...

===
~plum

was it me again?
i dont think so.
but then again am not really sure.
paranoia!

stupid tagboard!

for all that i have ever done but shouldnt have,
for all that i didnt do but should have,
for all that i may do,
i am sorry.
but sorry doesnt cover it, i know,
and it has been repeated
over and over
many times before
and more from now

i am at fault, i admit as much
and the guilt hounds me every waking moment of my days
you think when i see you, i am not reminded
of the magnimosity of my mistake
u think i do not cry?
in my solitude, tears fill my eyes
the guilt, the sorrow

thoughtless you call me, perhaps i am
insensitive? maybe.
call me callow even, whatever suits your fancy
i will not be angered,
for the convict should not be angry
at the victim of his crimes
as a criminal sentenced to his suffering
i will accept mine fate with downcast eyes

i am not perfect
i have my shortcomings
i never said i didnt
these are some of them
but let it not be said that i did not try
i do try
despite everything
i do
i try not to show the frustrations building up inside me
i work, and do nothing and it bothers me
i study, and i learn nothing and it bothers me
i am tired
i am stressed out
but i do try

i try to understand the inanities of data com
i try to absorb the depth of java
i try to find bugs and log those stupid ptrs that get quirked or deffered anyway
i try to research about anything and everything related to our project
i try to read these jungle of data and information presented upon me
i try to visualize and plan the layout of this project
i try to help in as much as i can those that ask for my help
i try on all these, among others
and most of all,
i do try to do my share in the research of this project
i do try to be there when you need me
as i should be

human as i am, i do get tired
i do get stressed
i do get frustrated

i dont know what led me to act the way i did,
i just want to say, that i never meant to
i know i said i will be there
i try not to make promises i cant keep
and i truly meant to be there
i wanted to be there
but i wasnt
and its all there is to it
i made a mistake
and its all there is to it
no amount of excuses and apologies
could ever undo what has been done

i would truly understand if we have to end it here
i just wish we didnt have to
peace!

in the clearing stands a boxer
and a fighter by his trade
and he carries the reminder
of every glove that laid him down
or cut him till he cried out
in his anger and his shame
"I am leaving, I am leaving!"
but the fighter still remains

growing old

tiguwang na gyud cguro ko noh?!
ga sige na lang man kug reminisce sa mga saunang panahon,
nga ang problema, ma sulbad ra dayon
ug dili gyud ma buwag ang atong panaghiusa.
apan karon, wala na.
ngano man?
na unsa na man ta oi?!
ka puro na lang sekreto
puro na lang kaikog
dili na man gyud ta mag inistoryahanay.
kapoy man mag huna huna sa mga away away
ug dili pag sinabtanay sa uban
mas maayo man gyud nga wala na lang gyuy sikret-sekreto
kung naa kay isulti, sulti dayon
mas sakit man nga mahibawan gikan sa lain
na unsa na man ta oi!
mag sige na lang man gyud ug away.
ang mga tao, gamay lang lihok,
mubuto na man.
gamay lang kuhit, mu angal na man
gamay lang kablit, mangluod na dayon
para nako, sa kadugay na natong nagkuyog,
milapas na man unta ta ani.
apan ngano wala man?
plastic ra diay to tanan?
kaluoy na lang sad pud nato.
walal na lang sad gyud to ni tubo.
wala man gyud koy problema ba.
apan naniguwang na lang gyud ko
niining duha ka semana

steps taken

i really cant stop anything from happening. events will come as they come. all we can do is deal. how to deal? watch the movie!
don't recall the movie but anyway.
have so much to talk about, but really, theres no time now.
have to work tomorrow and its already getting late. 59 project5s taking most of my net time. but anyway, will try to blog again soon. maybe then, i can finally write what i have to say.
see you all!

la lang

so, 50% turn out isnt so bad right?
i mean, look at the last elections,
less than 50 percent probably voted
so it cant be so bad that i only went to half my classes today
at least i was on time for work!

if this day is any indication to
the way that my days are going to be like in the near future,
then i am bound to fail this sem
ill just be spending the time
in the apartment.

which is really nice, by the way.
but a lot of issues still need to be settled
like the burner.

anyway, got to go home
c u ol l8r!