The Police, "they who cannot be named..."

Young pips, watch out. If you are commuting and do not want to end up at the PNP Thief and Robbery Section (TRS), make sure you have the receipts of the valuables in your bag like a laptop, or maybe a camera or even cell phone. And, do not insist to know the name of the officer who searches your bag even if he does not have  a badge, or, even if you fear he might leave a pack of shabu inside ... If you do, that will be arrogance.  

 
That's what happened to our son, Victor, last night at past  around 11 p.m.  After a late evening work at their office in Ayala he accompanied his girlfriend to her workplace at a call center at the IT Park...   He then took two jeepney rides home to Tisa .  They were stopped at the Shell station at Banawa by a police team who were not in proper uniform and did not have nameplates except for the leader who had a badge. Only the male passengers were asked to go down for inspection (there goes the number of gender sensitivity workshops we conducted with the police). Like the others, Victor was asked to open his bag. Remembering what happened to his cousin Jason weeks ago in a similar inspection when they were asked to get out of the taxi and later shown a pack of shabu supposedly from their seat, Victor asked for the name of the police officer before he opens his bag. The officer police considered this arrogance. He never gave his  name; only the woman Officer identified herself as Captain Recla. One of them even suggested "gikan pa tingali na'g rally." (Human Security Act?)

 
For insisting to know the name of the police officer who searched his bag, he was asked for proof of ownership of his laptop. He couldn't show one.  That laptop is new, bought last June when he was on training in the US and the receipt was sent online, which can be downloaded in the files. Besides, who would think of carrying a receipt for something ones uses at work everyday? He had shown them his office ID. If they used their common sense, it would have occurred to them that  a laptop was a logical tool for a Computer Engineer just like a gun is for a police officer  instead of arresting him and hauling him to TRS Police Station  at Gorordo   without reading him his rights (as in the TV). On the way, one of them asked him his name, where he was going, etc. When they later found out that he was Bimbo's son, one of them said "ato nalang ni husayon".

 Some points: What if they did not know that he was Bimbo's son; would they have allowed him to go home? Or would he have stayed in one of those dungeon-like rooms like his cousin weeks ago?   I feel sad because when names and relations matter in the application of the law ... this means rule of law is not the rule, it is whom you know.   

I have always tried to teach my kids to face life by themselves, to be vigilant on their rights like asking the name of the people in the offices they deal with, including the police.  And now, this capacity to take care of oneself is defined as arrogance.  

At Lihok Pilipina we see the effect on adults of trauma experienced in childhood. I just hope this incident does not create trauma in my son... to make him stop bringing his girlfriend to her workplace before he comes home... or worse... losing trust in the enforcers.   I heard that one of the boys who were jailed with his cousin for "arrogance" because they have insisted on knowing  what their violation was, now fears to go home by himself and calls home after his 9 p.m. class.

We each have our part to do in this world ... I just hope the enforcers of the law can be more sensitive and transparent with their own protocols.  You want trust, show trustworthiness. One can't trust someone who hides his identity in the performance of  a public duty. UNLESS, enforcers think they are as powerful as the Dark Lord Voldemort in Harry Potter story, "the one who can't be named". 

.
Tessie Banaynal Fernandez

Lihok Pilipina

--
Privileged and Confidential

13 days part 2

So sad, so embedding from email does not work.

I wonder if attached images do.

anyway... what has happened so far?

 

lemme see...

 

went to CDO last weekend, Ate Ker's wedding, and river rafting!

both fun in their own right.

Bonga ang kasal ni ate ker oi.

Pila kaha ang gasto adto ba...

make's me wonder if kaya ba nako ingon ana nga wedding...

medyo mahal cya, but it would be a nice gift to cha and our families when the time comes.

dapat na lagi gyud mag save oi. nindot unta if maka save for both house and wedding at the same time,

pero mura ug layo ra man na oist.

nag ka lisod man gani ug apas sa bayad sa credit card. tsk tsk tsk.

saun na lang.

pero anyway... have to straighten that out soon.
 

anyway, after that was river rafting, wasn't too expensive, comparatively.

ni gasto na man gyud ug almost 2K per person para mu adto didto, plus expenses,

sayang if dili na lang lubuson mu puno ug 700 para whitewater rafting, dba?

gisugdan na man gyud!

and it was worth it!

sayang lang ala kaayo pics, ngano ala gadala ug cam, hadlukan man maguba, mao na!

tsk tsk tsk. the opportunities we miss when we walk the straight and narrow roads.

but no use crying over the past, and the things we can't change.

it was great, no matter how you put it,

and bonding moments pud with the family and chacha.

hopefully madayon mi this christmas.

hehehe...

 

now on with the bad stuff!

so work goes on...

nag kadaghan ako work, saon, hinay man kaayo mu trabaho.

tapulan man gud, then daghan distractions

adding to the fact, that I just don't understand most of what I'm doing.

and I can't decide which ones to prioritize.

It's like I'm caught in an undercurrent and I'm being thrown about in the water

I'm drowning here, and either somebody saves me, or I die on this mirth,

but I don't see the former anywhere close, and I really do not wish to die.

I think I'm gonna have to swim harder,

but sadly, tapulan. I really need to work harder na gyud.

now if the stupid guy that's me would just keep in line,

perhaps I could come out alive...

perhaps...

 

despite that, the lights still do shine...

adto mi ila mommy rose gahapon, and it was fun...

a breif glimpse of what was in Lex, but still not the same.

and sadly, it will never be.

I'm thankful that for the brief time I had with them in Lex,

it couldn't have been more than a mere 2 months,

little more than a month, in fact,

but still, what happened was as though I've known them for so long

perhaps it could have been more.

Like knowing Ivy, for example, we were in lexington together for almost 2 months,

but I never knew her til yesterday.

weird? To a normal person, yes.

for me, sadly, no!

The shields are still up, as they have always been.

would I have had a far better time were they not there?

most probably.

o the opportunities we miss...

but nothing we can do,

but try to keep it from happening in the future.

but still, it was fun...

and hopefully, it will still be, for a long long time.

 

but today, we were supposed to meet with my college friends...

saun, la napud nagkasinabot...

ala man klaro sa emails, so ala gyud na dayon.

sayang.

haven't met them in about 5 months...

tsk tsk tsk. busy na gyud ang mga tawo.

ka sad.

 

la pa gyud ko kasimba ganina.

gi kapoy, ga sakit pa man gud.

tsk tsk tsk...

 

what a mess.

need to clean up.

maybe, i clean up emotionally and personally as I do when I clean up,

few, but thorough.

maybe, and if so, hopefully soon.

13 days...

So what has happened the past 13 days?
Sa katapulan na lang gyud mu blog noh??
13 days?
pero what is? alangan man ug pugson, dba???

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to my one and only baby girl!

Another birthday spent with me.
Ala pa ka nabuang sige kuyug nako baby?
Hehehehe....

I love you so much.
Mwah!!!

Love Stories

Why do we love to read romance books?

because its so nice to read about romance. Makes the heart tingle.

what more, to see it flourish right before your eyes, to someone close to you?
so heartwarming

klove

am so happy.
Listening to klove online, nice kay paspas cya.

I would like to thank my sponsors, globelines broadband for their cooperation.

did nothing but listen all night to their top20 countdown. hehehehe...
was supposed to set up the wireless network, but gi defer na lang, kay
nice man ang countdown, saun ta man. hehehehe....

nuon, when I tried to setup the wireless network after sa countdown,
di man ghapon diay pwede. 110v ra man cya, then 220 ra man ako power
supply. Need to find an AVR with 110 and 220. Palit na sad. Gasto na
kaayo. Ambot na lang. la na gyud ko cash. leche nga unionbank ha, gi
charge ko twice para sa ako load, then ala pa gyud gi credit. leche na
lang gyud. pero anyway, will survive. Kaya ra lagi ni with the Lord's
help, and a little self control, kaya lagi ni.
June 30 na bitaw sweldo ni cha, then july 5 ang ako. Pero saun, ala ko
gift sa iya bday, hehehehe.... ngita pa diay ko. hehehehe....

anyway, need to walk the dogs.

more soon, i hope.

coming home

I don't know how it goes.
Supposed to go home last June 8.
but was extended.
Have a lot to learn here before I will be effective back home
and lo and behold they extended me.
for 5 frakin' days.
3 days, if you don't count weekends.
what the???
what was I supposed to learn in 3 days???
useless extension
but what can I do???
no one really cares what I say at work anyway.
or they care but don't do a thing.
same difference.
but anyway...
got to go to tenessee
at least.
something fun.
and spend a little more time with new friends
but nothing really good came out of it workwise
don't like to work here anymore.
not in the mood.
I'm in packing mode and I don't want to think about work
I don't know what will happen.
Perhaps I am finally going home on the 13th
God knows.
but I don't
and I'll only find out when it comes
but til then...
I'll just live life as it comes...

and

Oh I don't know.

Updates soon...


when I can.

apologies

Sorry for the last post, I am tired.
But just one last thing,
Is it just me, or am I drifting?
what's the difference in words and actions?
a lot.
and o what a difference it makes.
words are a far cry from reality
and though I like what I hear,
obviously it cannot be seen, nor felt

or am I just over reacting again?
I probably am...
but if I can't trust my instincts, who can I trust?
but who cares anyway?
if somebody doesn't like it, speak up, or go!
but I do care what they think,
cause they are my friends, I'd like to think.
and I don't like to have anyone having anything against me

but obviously I'm not needed.
and I'll only get in the way.
anyway, if they need me, they know where to find me.

but I would still like to apologize
if I may be too harsh
if I can't take what deal out
if I may be too loud
or I may be too quiet
I'm sorry if you understand me
and I'm sorry that you didn't
in any case, I'm sorry.

talk roads

much talk of past and present. and of future plans.
way of the living has been marred by holes, cracks and bends
but the road travels on, don't it?
and still we pass everyday

why?
because its the way we know
and the wonder of where it will lead us pushes us to cross this barren waste

so do we hide these holes with little mounds of dirt, cover them up, to hide them?
in any case, this doesn't diminish the beauty of the destination
just serves to hide the state of the road

but the travelled road means character
and it tells tales of time and experience.

enough with the metaphors.
I'm tired and I want to sleep.
but the talk tonight was fun.
and enlightening.

I still cannot believe the openness of people, both those sharing, and those receiving
but the topic of the story is.... secret!
it was personal, and I'm afraid I cannot break that
but in any case, the past is the past.

it makes up what we used to be, and part of who we could possibly be, but it is not who we are.
and I cannot believe that something non biological such as infidelity could be heriditary
but then again, what do I know? Not a lot I'm sure.
But my mind processess info as they come, and make the best judgement I can make out of it.

how things will end up, I cannot tell.
But hey, nothing.

happy?

Would you be happier by the corrs

Have you ever wonder where the story ends, and how it all began, I do (I do, I do, I do, I do)
Did you ever dream you were the movie star with popcorn in your hand, I did (I did, I did, I did)
Do you ever think you're someone else inside, when no one understands you are (you are)
And wanna disappear inside a dream but never wanna wake, wake up
Then you stumble on tomorrow, and trip over today

(Chorus)
Would you be happier if you were someone together
Would the sun shine brighter if you played a bigger part
Would you be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather
You're gonna be just fine (gonna be just fine)

Are you not afraid to tell your story now, when everyone is done it's too late (too late, too late)
Was everything you've ever said or done not the way you planned, mistake
So you promised that tomorrow, be different than today

(Chorus)
Would you be happier if you were someone together
Would the sun shine brighter if you played a bigger part
Would you be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather
You're gonna be just fine I think you're gonna be just fine

You're gonna be just fine
So don't worry baby
You're racing for tomorrow, not finished with today

Would you be happier if you were someone together
Would the sun shine brighter if you played a bigger part
Would you be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather
I think you're gonna be just fine

Would we be happier if we were someone together
Would the sun shine brighter if we played a bigger part
Would we be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather
I think we're gonna be just fine I think you're gonna be just fine
Don't worry baby Gonna be just fine
Don't worry honey Gonna be just fine
Don't worry baby Gonna be just fine


what does it mean to be happy? is happiness laughing with a sea of people? is it getting what you want to get? is happiness having money to spend? or is it having someone to talk to?

what, pray tell, does happiness construe? I laugh amid a crowd, yet I am not happy. I got what I wanted, still I am not happy. I spent what money I had and yet, I still am not happy. And what is there to talk about anyway?

You can talk the world out of meaning, still that will mean nothing. so you did this, and you have that. oh and you've seen this and you been where but happiness it does not buy

maybe I am just way out of my league here and maybe that league is already small in the first place but I find it hard to take the multiplicities of people. understand, easy, but take it, uhmmm no. I try not to think about it

People I find are jumpy, from one exitement to the next, one scene to another, people never settle. they always do move on

It's hard to keep up. I prefer life at a much more leisurely pace. to live life with no presumptions at all. just relax, take it easy, and let it come, all on its own good time.

but even that is hard to do now. I find that the world has changed too much around me. and at times, I can no longer understand. I have been left behind, literally, and figuratively

it's amazing what happens in a few months, much more a couple of years. while I was in great form then,
I am but a shell now. two long years have taken its toll on me

I don't deny a single bit of it. each moment is my past, and I am those moments, piece by piece, molded together to form me. but at times, I do regret the me that I did not become. I always enjoyed the little things. Flowers, rain, watching a movie...

but that is few now... and far between. I can't remember the time that I spent just walking, by myself and in deep though, much as I did before. I have lost myself in my own sea. and I can no longer understand. and I am no longer happy. which isn't saying that I was always happy before, just that I understood why.

but I digress, just the same
who cares?

if you understood me, great!
if not, that makes the both of us.

Reflections in passings

It is lonely away from home

The closeness and kinship

opportunities not taken,

begin to manifest themselves as wasted experiences

and life is filled with self-reproach

but it's too late now

and now amount of contrition would change that

 

but in the darkness of the days

a little light thus makes so much of a difference

for a single candle can light a huge cavern

this I experienced first hand a few days back

and the awesome power of a little light in a vast emptiness was readily apparent

and like tiny little lights in my darkness

various sources of hope emerged

 

most notable would probably be the fellowship,

which I first joined on the 11th of May, 2007

that day truly saved me

that and maybe the day just before that

when mark and I decided to have lunch together at Des' place

and she begrudingly accepted

the pleasure of simply a company of friends

tided the loneliness that have collected the past 2 months

 

I have to admit, I've never been one to need for attention or companionship

this skill I have learned on the 12 years I have been on an exclusive school

the richness and pompousness of the people I had to contend with

pretty much cleansed me of the want to be in company

not to say that I hated the people there

there were many there that were very good and decent

but in company, it takes but a single bad apple to ruin an otherwise perfect barrel

 

but since I have been to college

I have been surrounded by a myriad of friendships

I have been gifted by good friends giving me a true taste of what friendship should be

and for that I am thankful

but on that I have been dependent

call me old fashioned, but I believe in friend as friends for life

true friendship are with those you can be yourself with

and I have that, with my friends

and from that, I have found my love

 

but the almost two months that I have been here before the fellowship

was one of the most agonizing times of my life

true, there were some specks of hapiness here and there

but nothing in so far as I have grown accustomed to

until that fateful week

when I was invited to a simple meeting

 

at first when I saw the invitation to the meeting for the new york trip

I gloomed at the prospect of being forced to a fellowship meeting

I even came late to that, but it turned out that we were early

since everyone else was also late for various reasons

but when I experienced the power of such a gathering

I was amazed, there were people from various denominations of the Christian faith

and I did not feel any tension, everyone was welcome

and everyone was accepted

and I was happy to reflect on my life and my feelings at that moment

 

and one shared her heartaches, hardships and struggles of her life

and I realized how blessed I have been

and how blessed I still am, despite my incessant notions that I am not

and here is someone who appears to have had a harder life than me

and she still has the courage and faith to praise the lord

where in I could not

I was shamed

horrified

but I was touched

and the realization gave me a few days of remembrance

to try and be holy

 

paired with the blessing of companionship

I was not feeling so lonely anymore

then last thursday, we reflected on two bible passages

and I was struck by how close one of the passages hit me

with the loneliness somewhat gone

except of course for that of my girl

I was somewhat comfortable again

but the realization of my lack of skill in my training assignment hit me

and I was filled with worry and fear

 

but upon reflection on the words of john, chapter 3, verse 16

It dawned upon me that the worry upon me was unnecessary

Father God sent his son to die un the cross for our sins

and I believe that he will provide for me in due course

so the worry I am feeling is needless

it shows a lack of trust in faith

and I resolved to forego of my worries

and let the Lord figure it out

but instead, do what I can

just a few nights ago, I cried myself in prayer, realizing that I have been really and truly blessed my entire life

yet i still had the gall to be ungrateful

 

I know the Lord will provide

The past few weeks have been a terrific revelation for me

a spiritual revolution in a sense

I may not be sure how long this will last

specially on the absence of the fellowship that has showered me these blessings

but I will not worry about that

I will instead pray that the Lord continue to shower me with his blessings

just as he always have in my life

even when I refuse to accept it.

 

and I know I will remember

for a while at least

the beautiful people that have been blessings to me in my hour of need

mommy Rose, Des, Mark, Dindin, Jammy,

and the rest of the wonderful cast of neighbors in Residence Inn and Beaumont Farms

They shone a light in my darkness

and now I can see...

 

a little

 

and for a while

 

and I will remember

 

to you all,

 

I am grateful

 

b

b
b
b
b

busy as a bee
too many plans and one can only do so much
have to study but when
need to sleep but when
need to talk but when
need to hang but when

but when will the answers come
answers as always
come too late
or not at all

so where does that leave me?
i have not studied
i barely talked
i barely hanged
i think i'll just go to sleep instead

1 out of 4 ain't too bad right?

but what about the rest?
how do i face tomorrow when i haven't studied?
how can i have a future when i cannot talk?
how can i live when i can't have a life
as always and forever
life drifts by beyond control
plans are shattered and lives are broken

but let's not be that harsh...
not broken
merely battered
but still the hurt is there
and the troubles

why can't i have a few moments of no worries at all?
is that too much to ask?

probably.

but it's not the asking thats the problem


its the answers.

The tie that binds

My baby girl.

Waiting for me in Cebu.

I love you

now

always

and forever.

Distant places

Wishes

Something about somethings that we want it so much.
The lives we lead, the things we do,
are measured against the fantasy that it would someday be true.
Little do we realize that things are not given for a reason.
The reason is clear to me now.
I have something that I have wanted for two years.
But it is nothing more
than another tiresome experience.
Our fantasies are only so good as they remain

a fantasy.

I have experienced one fantasy
but here I am alone reflecting on the loneliness of being alone
alone, in a sea of people
but still... alone.

counting

minutes

moments

til the day we meet again.


The day when I can hold her in my arms
hug her and kiss her

I promise to make up for each and everyday that we are not together
for every kiss that we did not share
but til then

the scent of her hair
the softness of her touch
and the warmth of her skin

I will savor but in memories

of the times we were together
and the forever that we will have.

'til we meet again my love...
I will remember.

And a greater wish comes forth
the return

and the end

of the fantasy.