Chances Are
by : Fad

How would I know
If a person is really meant for me?
What should I do
To determine whether it is true?

What stories would I tell
To start a conversation with her
And eventually confess to her
The emotions building up inside of me?

Will the signs
Be clear enough for one to actually see them,
Not so unlike with walking in the dark
Knowing not what you might stepped upon

And what should I do
If I mistakenly took things all quite wrong
When she only meant to have me
Nothing more than just a friend

Should I cry in the middle of the night
Weeping like an abandoned infant
And in spite of the sweetness of the day
Looking at the sky but staring aimlessly

Will everybody perceive me as a fool
For stupidly taking her actions into words?
Words that I long to hear in her lips,
Words that would feed my heart with the pleasure of being loved

Should I take the chance
And bear all the consequences of my idiocy
Or should I just dream of it
Wishing that in my dreams, it might just truly happen?

Whom should I listen to,
The voice that dictates my mind and thoughts
Or the silence I hear
When my heart stops beating whenever she’s near

This is truly, totally unfair
When she is living her life the way she wants
Oblivious to my anguish and upheaval
And here I am, suffering from this uncertainty

Should I or should I not?
Will she have me or not?
With all this thinking,
I sink deeper into the abyss of obscurity

If only things will agree with me,
Chances are…
I might just have her.

If anybody has an mp3 of this song or knows where to get one, please tell me. i really need it.
Many people say..........True friends are hard to find..........But I know I'm not that kind.............They come and go........And sometimes leave us behind......Like a wind that passes by......................... 'Cause when you need a friend.............That you can depend..........You can count on me because............. I'm a true friend...............When you're feeling down........And your heart is hurt..............You can call on me..............And I will be there for you.....friend....... Good things may come...........And that bad things may go.............Like that love long time ago......... You're like a ship...........That's sailing across the sea.. Through waves that's so unkind................................ When you need a friend........That you can depend.... You can count on me because................................... I'm a true friend........When you're feeling down.......... And your heart is hurt.........You can call on me......... And I will be there for you............friend..................

im back!

remind me people, what were we doing in school last monday again??? i thought we were not supposed to have any classess?! we had something to do in school, i just know it. i just dont know what. pasenya.i ang kalimtanon.

anyway, as ive said before, my trust is not easily shaken. i have faith in people. i am quiet proud of that. and i think i am a passive person. thats why i am not inclined to act. i have nothing against anyone. everything will stand as it it stands when we get to it. lets think of the projects first. john is right, we should start consulting teachers now. who knows what could happen. kinsa ato adviser???? as usual, i will not decide, unless i have to. i have nothing more to say.

summer is at long last here. days of tranquil restiveness. days reserved for nothing but leisure and laying back, most of the time anyway.

but that was then. now is a different story. yesterday, i would have told you of my carefree summer plans. i would have talked of better days to come. but again, that was yesterday, and today is a whole new day. a glooming peace enveloped the day. the sun refused to show his welcome light upon this dreary day, but it was all the more fitting to the sadness that befell me. i realize now, that despite by efforts, i may have to retake ee21 this summer.
in better circumstances, it would have been somewhat acceptable, true, i may still be sad and troubled, but i would have been fine afterward knowing that i could do nothing about it. but this was different. i did do something about it. i studied the subject for three freakin days. i was adept at solving the problems upto the topics that we discussed. for what? for an exam that exceeded the coverage of our lesson. for his usual end of sem torment of masked as an exam. and with his taunting smile. fuck him! he isnt worth my time.
he is not worth ranting about. i will act calmly and rationally. i will see the positive side in all this. like how i will no longer be bored in the summer. like how i will have an allowance. like how i will be spared from work at home. what else? there must be more.
but that is all a lie. it is sad to fail. especially when it comes unexpectedly. i really thought that i would ace this test. and i would have too, had he stuck with the coverage. stupid git of a stupid teacher. with your stupid lousy ideologisms and so called principles that you bent according to your whims and whams. you are nothing but a self egotistic, conceited braggart who enjoys tormenting he poor unfortunate souls that happen to pass by your hands. you mask in your principles your true character of prudeness and evil. anyway, you are not worth my time. i would rather take this subject again and again than beg you for grades. i would sooner drop from school than subject myself to your mercy. you are not my keeper, and i take no quarter from you. to hell with you, you vile insolent bastard! i am so much more than you in more ways than you can imagine. i dont need you. i hate you! i hate you!

united we fall, divided we fall.
let me cut this short. i am not one to complain. true, i give opinions, solicited or not, one in a while, but i will not complain. i believe in passivity. i take what is coming along. and if and when i do speak up, please forgive me if i ever come off as bossy, know it all or conceited. i am not really. i just comeoff that way. tell me what is wrong with me, and i will do what i can to correct myself. and if ever i fail to, tell me again, so i might try again. anyway, having said that, let me state my opinion.

the grouping for the 5th year project is somewhat objectionable to me. the grouping is really not that very fair. now i'm not complaining. if it is what it is, then thats it. i wont change that. its just that, if my opinion is asked, i would reply that the division is not very fair. i am not against any one of you mind you. nor i would say that i am for. ryt. but what im saying is, based on the talents, capabilities, and attitude that ive seen, the division is really amendable. but that is my opinion. and i will just put it at that. but, as usual, i will leave it to the group to decide. i will survive with whatever is handed to me. i always have, so what else is new. but i will say this ahead of time, i am not deciding what project to do. i will just do what the others decide. thats that.

oh, i dont hold grudges. whatever grudge i may have, it is always gone by the morning. trust me. thats the character of the forgetful.

i think i know what my problem is. i am too clingy. if something gets into my mind, i can't let it go until i find closure. i dont really know what this closure that i'm looking for is, but i need it nonetheless.
maybe the best solution would be to learn how to let go, not just in the aspects of love and like, but in the things of life as well. maybe i should just return to my carefree days when i cared for nobody but me. when my actions were dictated by no one but me, when i could make my own decisions. i can't anymore. its not that i cant make them. its that i dont want to decide for people who are capable of deciding for themselves. i dont like deciding if my decisions affect the future of others. i dont like to be responsible for others. i am having a hard time as it is taking responsibility for my ownself. but it seems that responsibility is always thorown my way. what is it that they see in me? do they really see me capable of this role? or are they just giving me this since no one else wants it.
but i digress. i wish i could getback to the days when my life was much simpler. when i could be happy in solitude feeling the wonders that the mountain brings. gone are those times. gone are my principles in life, replaced with uncertainty. replaced with hardness. but going back to those days would also mean losing all that i have now. i need closure first before i can do anything.

and closure is coming soon.

euphoria n. (1)a feeling of great happiness or well being. (2) a feeling of great, ussually exagerated elation.

i think euphoria should have been moved to sometime after finals, to match the feeling of great joy that we all feel after having done with this year, whether or not badly. but then again, no one would come so anyway...

i was not euphoric at euphoria. in fact, i was kinda melancholic. as usual, for the same reasons. my euphoria came into the night. and it has continued to this day. i am still in my state of euphoria. i dont know why i am still this way. i dont know what tomorrow brings but i will be remembering for a while this state i am in, when despite of my monumental problems, i have achieved to be happy, and stayed that way for at least a few days. this is so unlike my late self. perhaps tomorrow, i will be moody again. perhaps i will be sad. but for even this short amount of time, i was happy. and that is all that matters, euphoria.

its the little things that matter to me. they really do.
its just the feeling that comes when the night wind blows. something like those excursions that we took with my neighbors, a few years back, or the going home trips with the people a while ago. it was fun, in more ways than one. god i miss those days.
people are so serious now. before, we had outings every sem or so. now, its more of food and malls. theres really not much time for trips anymore. and these trips are always the most memorable.

this is it.
the last leg of this so called best semester of my college life. i mean, pilot class?! come on! i just can't wait for this hell to be over. what you learn in school really depends on your teacher, right? if the teacher doesn't know a thing, or doesn't know how to teach, then woe to the students, for they won't get very far. imagine my classes. a techer who was not there for half the sem, the ridiculously impossible psychopath, the mute fairy, the halfling who turned into the grinchette??? the prejudicial juror, the student-teacher. all i can say is that it had its ups and downs. but if you take the fourier transform of the sine-cosine equation of happiness against time, you could derive a line asymtotic to the horizontal with but minute variance in signal. whatever!
and so we must face this last step before were finally free of this sufferance. this lat week will be the test of our capacity to cram the length of a sem into one single week. but that is easy, after all, there's always next sem. and summer, and next year. there's always next time. it is not the end. and after all, how sure are we to fail, isn't that a bit pessimistic? who is to say that they've learned nothing this entire time? there should be at least a trace of knowledge that seeped into our skulls at one point or another right??? right??? but as usual, we must take it all in stride. there's no use worrying. worrying only gets you down, breaking your concentrtion, thus bringing you down further. and what would worry accomplish? if you ask me, its better just to let it go. just do what you can do at that moment in time. the rest is up to the gods in the heavens, or what, depending on your religion. leave tomorrow to tomorrow, and should time comes that life would be bitter, then swallow it all with just a spoonful of sugar. or maybe im just making an excuse for not studying?! maybe. but still, whatever. jsut live life as it comes. there's is really little use to plan. the probability that thigs will go awry is always 1, or close to it. if things go wrong, fine. whatever happens, fine. such is life.
with everyday, we come a day closer to freedom, to some its in a few days, to others, more, to mine, in a while. but things will happen, believe me. the doors will be broken, and we will be set free.






summer, here we come!!!!!!!!

I know im weird, i know that.
I wouldnt blame anyone if they hate me.
I am an easy person to talk to, I believe.
Just tell me what you want done, and it shall be done
but i cannot make your decisions for you.
i am having a hard enough time making my own.
but i will go on as i have,
i hope you will understand.



just rambling

reach out and touch

sa tanan. pasensya na lang gyud ha. kung naa man gyud moy maga kalagot og dili ba mga kapungutan sa ako, palihog kog ingon na lang gyud diretso sa ako kay medyo slow man gud ako mind, dili man ko ka kita ug mga suttle hints kung baga. man kung dili na man gyud madala, ingna ko dayon. para ma sabutan ta kini. ayaw na ang hilom2x ug kalit2x lang nga buto! pls lang.


pasensya na gyud kaayo!

shadows

shadows are insignifcant little details that ore often overlooked, especially in the brigh sun, the shadows seem to disappear. but they are there. if we would only care to look. signicant they may seem, but they are important to us at some point or another. where would we run to, when the brightness of the sun is too much to take, for too much of the sun can burn. where do we hide when we do not wish to be seen. who is forever with us, through the good times and the bad, the brightness and darkness, wether we wish for the or not. the shadows are ever there, if and when we need them. they never leave your side. they may be overlooked, but they are, and always will be, our true companions, in everything that we do. remember the shadows. remember.