ok, so here i am, taking a break from a drinking session with my friends. I can't really drink much since i've got to drive home. I hate it! especially since all i want to do is drown my self in alchohol. It's not that I hate my life, in fact, its rather great. It's just some parts of it that I can't understand. It is really frustrating.

but before that, my friends and i went on a road trip yesterday. I don't really know if they had much fun since i can't read their minds but as for me, it was just what I needed: a much needed break. I had a chance to finally sit back, relax, and take a brief overview of my life. It was a healing experience. This morning, I went to school feeling upbeat and ready to take on anything. And in fact, for the most part of the day, it continued on. But I don't know! when I meet her, I feel a mixed emotion of happiness, peace, and confusion. I dare not say love, for what do I really know about love. Everytime we meet, I feel like I could take on anything. But I don't know, something always happens to make me doubt it in the end. I feel I can't understand her. I feel so unworthy. I feel that she thinks so too. Maybe Its just my paranoia, or more probably, It's my very own instincts telli8ng me so, and that she doesn't like me, and that I should just keep away, for I will be hurt in the future. I just don't know. Maybe. But I am damn tired of not knowing. What can I do?! Damn It! Anyway, I'm goiing back now, to face the populace. to face her. God help me!


Damn!


Please judge me not for what I feel for I have no control over it.