growing up
i know i am not perfect
i know i've made mistakes
i have made bad choices
it is a fact, i will not deny it
but look beyond the cloud
i am who i choose to be
and knowing me is knowing
there's so much more to me
to all the people i've hurt
i am truly sorry
for all the times i've failed you
i am deeply sorry
but sorry's not enough
and change is growing up
grow must i, then i must change
be patient with me

I'm Sorry
John Denver

It’s cold here in the city
It always seems that way
And I’ve been thinking about you almost everyday
Thinking about the good times
Thinking about the rain
Thinking about how bad it feels alone again

I’m sorry for the way things are in China
I’m sorry things ain’t what they used to be
But more than anything else
I’m sorry for myself
'Cause you’re not here with me

Our friends ask all about you
I say you’re doing fine
And I expect to hear from you almost anytime
But they all know I’m crying
I can't sleep at night
They all know I’m dying down deep inside

I’m sorry for all the lies I told you
I’m sorry for the things I didn’t say
But more than anything else
I’m sorry for myself
I can’t believe you went away

I’m sorry if I took some things for granted
I’m sorry for the chains I put on you
But more than anything else
I’m sorry for myself
For living without you

shame and shyness
is it just me or do i keep putting myself depreciatingd self-depreciatiing positions? maybe i'm just being overly dramatic but i really do feel that every move i makes brings me shame. i used to have trouble differentiating shame and shyness but now, it is obvious. i used to be shy. now, i still am. but what i am really is ever shamed, by the every move i make each day. why don't i just kill myself? but whathat'ss after death? thats the problem. [refer writings - epilogue]