mixed emotions

as usual this post is going to be a nutbag of illogical thoughts, feelings and crap. if you have the stomach to read this, go ahead! if you don't, skip this part. you won't miss anything.


all throughout these past two weeks, 17 days, to be exact, ive been really down. although, for me, this is nothing new, the sad part is that i dont think this is because of the project or the schedule anymore. ive been jealous? although there is nothing to be jealous of really but that is still how i feel, i think. now what really tears me is the fact that i cant do anything about it or i am just too scared, unready or too much of a sissy to try. but whatever! one thing is for sure, nothing is coming out of this, absolutely nothing. i cant really understand myself. i want to do something but i really am scared to do it. ive never been there, and im not about to go there soon. i like the way i am now, why spoil it? i need a psychologist/psycho analyst/plainm psycho. shit!