fear addressed

it is often believed that fear in relationships is based on the fear of rejection. to others, this could be so, as for me, i don't think it is. i mean, i can handle rejection, that is nothing new to me. albeit i may get depressed for a while, ashamed, but i will survive. my world still turns. no, that is not the problem.

the problem for me, i believe, is that there is too much too lose. its the risk i can't take, not the rejection. i like the status quo. i can't bear to lose it. i cannot afford to lose what i have, or think i have, right now without knowing that there is something to look forward to afterward. (diba redundant?)

does the chance of bliss merit the risk of losing everything you hold dear? It is. i'm just too scared to try.

that is me. who i should not be.