ice cream and fries

sit with me and talk a while.
a tub of ice cream and a little fries
thats all you ever really need to survive.
that, and great company!

the world comes crashing down, piece by piece. nothing is sure anymore, all because of my own doing. why do i bring myself to this point? is there something in me that wants to hurt myself in such a way? what?!di na gyud nako makaya ang ingon ani nga trabaho! its one problem after another. and i really dont feel like studying anymore! i mean, whats the point? were all bound to fail anyway!

well, maybe not, if i really put my self into it, but its a pretty good excuse. i mean, its is hard, maybe impossible to try your best when you really have no inclination to do so. the teachers are of no help at all, i understand none of them.
as i sit here, writing, i know that i could make my life more productive by studying for seva, mapada, or whatever. but what inspires you to do so? the need to pass? maybe! but that is incidental. one must be personally inclined to study. one of which is the realization that something good comes out of studying. i dont get that right now. plus, it hurts more to fail when you tried not to rather than knowing the fact that you are bound to fail anyway, so why bother? i dont think i can take anymore of this and still come out sane. relatively!

emotions abound. feelings too. thoughts and dreams and everything else. how does one understand onesself really? for without knowing ourselves, we are bound to remain as we are, with out progress. for what is there to progress from. how do you improve something which you cannot see, touch, smell, hear, or understand?

things are starting to come unglued. there is no stopping it now. the question now is, when will they all fall, and which ones will break?

but whatever happens, there is a little consolation:
theres always icecream and fries.